Underneath this hood... I tick like a bomb

Wintertime

is tricky. And four months of nocturnity during wintertime is even trickier. The lack of sun, sleep and soul-sustaining substances cause your mind to slip. And if you're not careful, you might fall. Which, incidentally,  is not always a bad thing. And when you do fall, all you want to do is keep floating. Like this:

So, let go

Ever wonder why we hold on to things that keep bringing nothing but pain into our lives? Because pain is comfortable. Pain is familiar. You make your nest into it and never have to change a thing. You just have to bear it. And you'd rather bear this than get out of your comfort zone and change things. Cause change sucks. Change means facing the unknown. The what-comes-after. And it's fear of what comes after that stupifies you and makes you clench your teeth while agonizing and tell yourself it's okay, just keep breathing...

No anaesthesia

Sometimes I would grab my hand with my other one and squeeze so hard you could even hear something inside cracking. Why? Theoretically, if the pain is strong enough, it is supposed to suppress any other pain that you may feel. In practice, though, I simply bruise.

Every moment of every day, into more pieces than my heart was made of.